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Quick Tip for Families in Intensive Care: My Mom’s in ICU with Multi-Organ Failure, The ICU Team Wants to Make Her “Comfortable” To Let Her Die

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com with another quick tip for families in intensive care.

Today, I have an email from Dipika who says,

“Hi Patrik,

I just need a little bit of advice.

My mom’s in intensive care right now. I have been told she’s only got days to live by the ICU consultants. She has multiple organ failure, and they keep saying there’s nothing more that can be done, however, her breathing is getting better. They want to make her comfortable. I just don’t and can’t give up, especially when hearing beautiful stories where they have been wrong. Also, they have been wrong before when mom was in intensive care before, and she surprised them by pulling through.

From, Dipika.”

Well, Dipika, thank you so much for writing in.

Here’s the thing, for a situation like that, you need more than just a little bit of advice as you write it nicely in your email. When someone is critically ill in intensive care, there are dozens, sometimes even hundreds of things happening simultaneously, and all of these things need to be carefully evaluated and also looked at before jumping to any conclusions at all.

Now, the biggest challenge for families in intensive care is that they don’t know what they don’t know. They don’t know what to look for. They don’t know what questions to ask. They don’t know their rights and they don’t know how to manage doctors and nurses in intensive care, which is a classical situation that you are currently facing. You don’t know what you don’t know.

What does multi–organ failure mean? Is the heart failing? The lung failing? The kidneys failing? The liver failing? The brain failing? Those are the five major organs. Which one of them are failing? If they are failing, what’s the reason for that? Can it be reversed? Have you asked those questions? Have you had a second opinion? Do you have access to the medical records? Because that’s how we can help you.

I talk to doctors and nurses directly all the time and I ask all the questions that you haven’t even considered asking but must be asked when you have a loved one critically ill in intensive care, so that’s one thing. Then looking at medical records, what’s in there? What’s in the medical records that they haven’t told you? You can take for face value what they say, but you can’t trust, you need to verify. This is a life-or-death situation that you simply can’t afford to get wrong.

What you see in intensive care is not what you get most of the time. If you’re saying they want to make her comfortable, that’s a euphemism for letting your mom die and euthanizing her. Making her comfortable in intensive care terms means they want to give her opiates such as morphine or fentanyl in high doses, or benzodiazepine such as midazolam/Versed and hastened death, that is the definition of euthanasia and that is still illegal. Well, we all know they need the ICU bed. We all know they don’t want to look after someone with an uncertain outcome, which is the situation your mom is in.

Also, what you need to understand in a situation like that, I have been talking about this for over a decade now, there is a difference between a “real” and “perceived” end of life situation. What’s the difference? The difference is, a real end of life situation, that no treatment, no medication, no surgery, no equipment, no nothing will save your mom’s life. A perceived end of life situation is that sometimes, given time that people can recover, to what extent is always uncertain and always unknown. But all you might want in a situation like that is more time with your mom. That is not up to intensive care teams to decide how much time you have with your mom, that is up in my view, to God and the higher authority when someone’s time is up.

So, you hear beautiful stories, absolutely. We’ve published very many of them here at intensivecarehotline.com. As long as your mom is alive, there’s often hope. Can every situation be turned around? No, but some can. Like I say, if your mom stays alive, there’s no guarantee that she will have a quality of life. That is a good quality of life. Nobody knows, nobody has a crystal ball, but it is also important for you and your family’s peace of mind, knowing that everything has been done within your power and with the intensive care team’s power. I understand that that is very important for your psychological hygiene. We could also call it end of life hygiene, whatever the case may be. But the bottom line is you don’t want to give up, and it also sounds like your mom may not want to give up, but you need to dig deeper. You need to get the facts. You can’t just take for face value what the intensive care team is telling you without having a second opinion and having looked someone over the medical records.

So, that is my quick tip for you or my answer for you, Dipika. I have worked in critical care for nearly 25 years in three different countries where I also worked as a nurse unit manager in critical care for over 5 years. We’ve been consulting and advocating for families in intensive care all around the world since 2013 here at intensivecarehotline.com. We’ve been saving many lives as part of our consulting and advocacy. You can verify that on our testimonial section where we have published many testimonials. You can also watch our podcast at intensivecarehotline.com with client interviews to verify the work that we’ve done and the results we’ve been getting for families in intensive care.

Because we get so many questions, that’s also why we created a membership for families of critically ill patients in intensive care and you can become a member if you go to intensivecarehotline.com, click on the membership link or go to intensivecaresupport.org directly. In the membership, you have access to me and my team, 24 hours a day, in the membership area and via email, and we answer all questions intensive care related. Also, in the membership, you have exclusive access to 21 eBooks and 21 videos that I have personally written and recorded for you, sharing all my knowledge and in-depth experience in intensive care as a nurse, and this material plus the access to me and my team will help you to make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power, and influence, making sure your loved one gets best care and treatment.

I also do one-on-one consulting and advocacy over the phone, Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, whichever medium works best for you. I talk to you and your families directly. I also talk to doctors and nurses directly. I ask all the questions that you haven’t even considered asking but must be asked when you have a loved one critically ill in intensive care. I handhold you through this once in a lifetime situation when you have a loved one critically ill in intensive care that you can’t afford to get wrong.

Most families leave it until it’s too late because they think, “Oh, everything will be fine,” but you are in a once in a lifetime situation that you simply can’t afford to get wrong.

I also represent you in family meetings with intensive care teams.

We also do medical record reviews in real time so that you can get that crucial second opinion in real time. We also offer medical record reviews after intensive care if you have unanswered questions, if you need closure, or if you are suspecting medical negligence.

All of that you get at intensivecarehotline.com. Call us on one of the numbers on the top of our website or send an email to [email protected] with your questions.

If you like my videos, subscribe to my YouTube channel for regular updates for families in intensive care. Click the like button, click the notification bell, share the video with your friends and families and comment below what you want to see next, what questions and insights you have.

Also, I do a weekly YouTube live where I answer your questions live on the show and you will get notification if you’re a subscriber to my YouTube channel, or if you’re a subscriber to our email newsletter at intensivecarehotline.com.

If you want your question answered quickly, leave a donation on the YouTube super chat button and I’ll read out your question and answer it as quickly as possible because I have so many emails sitting there from even last year. So, I don’t get to them in time, but if you leave a small donation, then I will read them out very quickly. You can also leave a small donation to support our work. It helps us to make as many videos as possible and help as many families in intensive care all over the world.

Thank you so much for watching.

This is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com and I will talk to you in a few days.

Take care for now.