The difference between “real” and “perceived” end of life situations when your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we instantly improve the lives for Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have peace of mind, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!

In last week’s blog I talked about

Is a meaningful recovery possible when your critically ill loved one is on the brink of death in Intensive Care?

You can check out last week’s blog by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s blog I want to share some very important insights and I want to show you

The difference between “real” and “perceived” end of life situations when your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!

Before I get into today’s topic I want to share a quote with you that I wrote on today’s topic and the quote says

“Death and dying are very uncomfortable topics to talk about as mainstream society is trying to avoid the topic at all cost!

It’s not cool or “sexy” to talk about death or dying and people generally speaking feel very insecure about the topic, because if they think about it, they need to face their own mortality which is very uncomfortable for most people!

When your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care, you and your family need to think about and face whether the possibility exists that your loved one could die from their critical illness in Intensive Care!

When your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care and is on the brink of dying, it helps if you have faced your own mortality and it helps if you and your family are able to talk about the topic of death rationally!

Death and dying in Intensive Care is a day to day reality even though it’s “only” around 10% of Intensive Care Patients who don’t survive their ordeal in Intensive Care!

Whether your critically ill loved one is going to survive their ordeal in Intensive Care or not is also often a result of how much weight you and your family give to the Intensive Care team’s “perceived power” and their ”perceived authority”!

Whether your critically ill loved one is going to survive their ordeal in Intensive Care or not is also a result of how much peace of mind, control, power and influence you and your family have!

Whether your critically ill loved one is going to survive their ordeal in Intensive Care or not is also a direct result of whether you and your family understand the difference between “real” and “perceived” end-of-life situations and it’s also a direct result of whether you and your family are asking the right questions or not!

The minute you turn a blind eye on the things that are happening around your critically ill loved one in Intensive Care is the minute you, your family and your critically ill loved one are doomed!

The minute you and your family take responsibility for the things that are happening in Intensive Care to you, to your family and to your critically ill loved one, that’s the minute you have peace of mind, control, power and influence!”

So let’s get into today’s topic.

If your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care and is facing any of the following situations

very unstable and in a very critical condition

in a life threatening situation

in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays (including long-term ventilation)

having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury

threatened with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order

In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one

approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

there is a very good chance that your critically ill loved one is in either a “real” or a “perceived” end of life situation!

And if you are like 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care you have no idea that there is a significant difference between a “real” and a “perceived” end of life situation and you are probably even unaware that a significant difference between “real” and “perceived” end of life situation exists in the first place!

And if you asked the Intensive Care team what’s the difference between a “real” and a “perceived” end-of- life situation they would most likely deny that a difference exists in the first place!

How do I know the difference?

After more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries, where I literally worked with thousands of critically ill Patients and their families and where I also worked as a Nurse Unit Manager in Intensive Care for more than 5 years, I have literally seen the difference between the very few families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who had peace of mind, control, power and influence, compared to the 99% of families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who didn’t…

I have literally seen dozens and dozens “real” and “perceived” end-of-life situations and I know the difference and most importantly, I know how you can use knowing the difference to your advantage!

I have also seen the difference between the 99% of families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who had no peace of mind, no control, no power and no influence and the small bracket of 1% of the families in Intensive Care who have peace of mind, control, power and influence…

Real and perceived end of life situations and knowing the difference

I see it and have seen it in my clinical practice and I see it when I talk to families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care over the phone, via Skype and via email during my 1:1 consulting sessions with them that they have no clue that a significant difference exists between “real” and “perceived” end of life situations!

They don’t know the difference because they are completely unaware of what’s happening in an Intensive Care Unit and they have absolutely no clue how to ask the right questions and Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are having “blind faith” in whatever the Intensive Care team is telling them…

I have seen so many “real” and “perceived” end of life situations that I not only think but also know how extremely important it is that families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care know the difference, because it literally is a “death” or “life” situation that needs explaining in detail!

So what is the difference between a “real” or “perceived” end of life situation?

A “real” end of life situation is where there is no cure, no treatment, no fancy equipment and no surgery that can save your critically ill loved one’s life. Things can happen very quickly in “real” end of life situations and death of your critically ill loved one is imminent! It’s a “real” thing!

“Perceived” end of life situations in Intensive Care are way more common and I have seen more “perceived” than “real” end of life situations in Intensive Care!

A “perceived” end of life situation is a situation where the Intensive Care team “perceives” that a “limitation of treatment” or the “withdrawal of treatment” might be “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one!

Think about this for a minute.

That in essence means that the Intensive Care team wants to have a say whether your critically ill loved one should live or die…

What about you, your family and your critically ill loved one?

Do you really want to give the decision making process about whether your critically ill loved one may live or die out of your hands???

Recommended resources:

THE 5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF THE MEDICAL TEAM IN INTENSIVE CARE WANTS TO “LIMIT TREATMENT”, WANTS TO “WITHDRAW TREATMENT” OR “WITHDRAW LIFE SUPPORT” OR WANTS TO ISSUE A “DNR” (DO NOT RESUSCITATE) OR AN “NFR” (NOT FOR RESUSCITATION) ORDER FOR YOUR CRITICALLY ILL LOVED ONE!

The unfortunate and sad reality is that the 99% of families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who have no peace of mind, no control, no power and no influence buy into the “perceived power” and the “perceived authority” of the Intensive Care team and let them make the decision about whether their critically ill loved one should live or die…

Most families in Intensive Care have no idea that the Intensive Care team is always presenting and positioning their critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and prognosis according to their hidden agenda and according to what’s happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care!

Most families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care have no idea that a “perceived” end of life situation is a situation where the Intensive Care team is trying to “sell” their hidden agenda as something that is “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one and they sell it to you that a “withdrawal of life support” or a “limitation of life support” is “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one…

Really???

Do you really think that a “withdrawal of life support”, a “limitation of treatment”, a DNR order (Do not resuscitate) or a NFR order(Not for resuscitation) are “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one?

What if your critically ill loved one is in their 20is and just had a severe car accident? What if your critically ill loved one is in their 60is and just went on to retire from work, looking forward to a better lifestyle? And what if your critically ill loved one is 85 years of age?

It doesn’t really matter. The fact of the matter is that you, your family and your critically ill loved one need to decide what’s “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one and not the Intensive Care team!

Decisions are being made when you and your family are not present without consulting you!

The Intensive Care team is all about them and their hidden agenda and it’s all about what’s happening behind the curtains and “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care. That’s where the decisions are being made, when you are not present!

And if the Intensive Care team is stepping forward and is trying to “sell” you and your family that a “withdrawal of treatment”, a “limitation of treatment”, a DNR order (Do not resuscitate) or an NFR order (Not for resuscitation) is “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one, it’s all about their perception of the situation and that perception of the situation is based on what’s happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care!

The way Intensive Care teams approach “perceived” end of life situations is also dependent on how they view you and your family. And if they view you like 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care without peace of mind, without control, without power and without influence, chances are that you don’t have any of it… and chances are that if you don’t start asking the right questions now, it’ll be too late…

However the ultimate and deciding question is what is your perception? Do you perceive the challenging situation that your critically ill loved one is in as a reality or as a perception?

The choice is yours and now you know the difference!

How can you become the best advocate for your critically ill loved one and how can you get peace of mind, control, power and influence quickly, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care?

You get to that all important feeling of PEACE OF MIND, CONTROL, POWER AND INFLUENCE when you download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report NOW by entering your email below!

In Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report you’ll learn quickly how to get PEACE OF MIND, real power and real control and how you can influence decision making fast, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care! Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” Report gives you in-depth insight that you must know whilst your loved one is critically ill or is even dying in Intensive Care!

Sign up and download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT now by entering your email below! In your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT you’ll learn how to speak the “secret” Intensive Care language so that the doctors and the nurses know straight away that you are an insider and that you know and understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care! In your FREE report you’ll also discover

How to ask the doctors and the nurses the right questions

Discover the many competing interests in Intensive Care and how your critically ill loved one’s treatment may depend on those competing interests

How to eliminate fear, frustration, stress, struggle and vulnerability even if your loved one is dying

5 mind blowing tips& strategies helping you to get on the right path to PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in your situation

You’ll get real world examples that you can easily adapt to your and your critically ill loved one’s situation

How to stop being intimidated by the Intensive Care team and how you will be seen as equals

You’ll get crucial ‘behind the scenes’ insight so that you know and understand what is really happening in Intensive Care

How you need to manage doctors and nurses in Intensive Care(it’s not what you think)

Thank you for tuning into this week’s blog and I’ll see you again in another update next week!

Make sure you also check out our “your questions answered” section where I answer your questions or send me an email to [email protected] with your questions!

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Also check out our Products section where you get more Ebooks, Videos and Audio recordings and where you can also get 1:1 consulting with me via Skype, over the phone or via email by clicking on the products tab!

This is Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM and I’ll see you again next week with another update!

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Patrik Hutzel