Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we instantly improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!
This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” and in last week’s episode I answered another question from our readers and the question last week was
You can check out the answer to last week’s question by clicking on the link here.
In this week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” I want to answer another question from one of our readers and the question this week is
MY HUSBAND IS DYING IN INTENSIVE CARE, BUT WE NEED MORE TIME…
Sarah from London, United Kingdom
My 66 year old husband has been admitted to Intensive Care and he is on full life support. He fell off the ladder while repairing our roof of the house and unfortunately he fell straight on to his head.
The damage done to his head, and more importantly the damage done to his brain are so severe that me and my 2 daughters have been told by the Intensive Care team that the chances of recovery and the chances of survival are slim and that we should brace for him to die in the next couple of days.
Apparently he sustained a really severe bleed into his brain from the fall and the head trauma and the bleed in his brain is causing severe brain damage. Me and my daughters are feeling very distressed about my husband’s accident as it happened out of the blue.
- THE 10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT SEVERE HEAD OR BRAIN INJURIES (INCLUDING TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY AND STROKE) IN INTENSIVE CARE THAT YOU MUST KNOW, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR CRITICALLY ILL LOVED ONE ISN’T WAKING UP!
My husband and I just retired in the last year and we were looking forward to a better and quieter life with more time for each other and more time for the family. To make matters worse, me and my daughters feel that we are pressured to accept and also to agree that the Intensive care team can “withdraw life support” from my husband so that he can die.
- THE 5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF THE MEDICAL TEAM IN INTENSIVE CARE WANTS TO “LIMIT TREATMENT”, WANTS TO “WITHDRAW TREATMENT” OR “WITHDRAW LIFE SUPPORT” OR WANTS TO ISSUE A “DNR” (DO NOT RESUSCITATE) OR AN “NFR” (NOT FOR RESUSCITATION) ORDER FOR YOUR CRITICALLY ILL LOVED ONE!
We are still so shocked, stressed and overwhelmed by the whole experience that we are not ready to let him go and we want more time with him. We also feel like one senior doctor in particular is not able to empathize with our feelings at all and all he keeps going on about is how sick my husband is and how poor his prognosis is. He just doesn’t seem to care that we want more time with him. We do understand how sick he is and we do understand that he is probably going to die, but we are just not ready as yet and we want peace of mind.
Furthermore, my husband’s brother, to whom my husband is very close with, is living overseas and he is currently on a plane to fly in and he does not want his brother to die, without him being there. Can you please give us advice on how to handle the situation so that we can get to spend more time with my husband?
thank you for your questions and I am very sad to hear that your husband is so sick and is a Patient in Intensive Care.
To me it sounds like your husband has sustained a really bad and nasty head and brain injury. Brain and head injuries are really bad and the brain is usually the only organ that human medicine is unable to control. All other organs can be controlled at least temporarily in Intensive Care.
This is unfortunately not the case with the brain. There is no equipment, technology or other clever invention that can take over the function of the brain. It also sounds to me like you are not questioning the clinical facts, which is a good starting point as it sounds to me like your husband is unfortunately so sick and unwell that he is going to pass away soon after life support has been withdrawn.
In order for you and your 2 daughters to take control of the situation and get the outcome you want, which sounds to me like you want more time with your husband before you let him go, which would then give you more peace of mind, you need to address the following.
Ask the senior doctor whether he wants to have an empty bed in the Intensive Care Unit for another Patient to be admitted, as it could well be the case that the Intensive Care Unit is very likely experiencing a lot of pressure on their beds and there are more admissions waiting for the currently occupied Intensive Care bed.
What is most likely also be the case is that the senior doctor you referred to is doing the maths in his head and he might think that every day the ICU bed is occupied with a Patient that is most likely going to die, is costing around $ 4,000- $ 5,000, coming out of the Intensive Care Unit’s budget that could be used for other Patients. That shouldn’t concern you in any way but you need to know and understand what is most likely going on in the background so that you understand the most likely dynamics behind the decisions that are being made.
- THE 10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ARE HAPPENING BEHIND THE SCENES IN INTENSIVE CARE THAT HOLD YOU BACK FROM HAVING PEACE OF MIND, CONTROL, POWER AND INFLUENCE, WHILST YOUR LOVED ONE IS CRITICALLY ILL IN INTENSIVE CARE!
This is important for you to know in your situation and don’t be hesitant to ask those distinct questions and don’t be hesitant to challenge the Intensive Care team if you feel like you are not getting heard. It is also inappropriate that you feel like you are not getting the time you want and need with your husband that would give you more peace of mind. It is also important that you let the Intensive Care team know that you are waiting for your husband’s brother and that you wish him to be there when your husband is passing away.
Some Intensive care units are very good when it comes to end of life care and other Intensive Care Units still have room for improvement when it comes to end of life care. It sounds to me like your husband has been admitted to an Intensive care unit that has lots of room for improvement in the domain of end of life care. It is therefore even more important for you to challenge the Intensive Care team!
Many, if not most Intensive Care units, would accommodate your wishes regarding your husband’s end of life situation and they would happily give you and your family the time in order to come to terms with your difficult situation. It also sounds to me like you and your family have accepted the clinical facts that your husband is going to approach his end of life, however if you still don’t have peace of mind, just go and ask for a second opinion from either another Intensive Care consultant or maybe from a neurologist or neurosurgeon.
They often have a differing view from the Intensive Care team, as their prime interest is not so much what is happening in Intensive Care. Their interests are usually very specific to the brain and they may offer you different points of view, also regarding your husband’s end of life situation. If you go out there and ask for other opinions, you might also get the time you need for you and for your family to come to terms with your husband’s situation and you and your family may find peace of mind, more control, more power and more influence.
I hope that answers this common question that I get all the time and if you have any further questions, please send your questions to [email protected]
How can you get PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence quickly, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care?
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In Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report you’ll learn quickly how to get PEACE OF MIND, real power and real control and how you can influence decision making fast, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care! Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” Report gives you in-depth insight that you must know whilst your loved one is critically ill or is even dying in Intensive Care! Sign up and download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT now by entering your email below!
In your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT you’ll learn how to speak the “secret” Intensive Care language so that the doctors and the nurses know straight away that you are an insider and that you know and understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care!
In your FREE report you’ll also discover
- How to ask the doctors and the nurses the right questions
- Discover the many competing interests in Intensive Care and how your critically ill loved one’s treatment may depend on those competing interests
- How to eliminate fear, frustration, stress, struggle and vulnerability even if your loved one is dying
- 5 mind blowing tips& strategies helping you to get on the right path to PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in your situation
- You’ll get real world examples that you can easily adapt to your and your critically ill loved one’s situation
- How to stop being intimidated by the Intensive Care team and how you will be seen as equals
- You’ll get crucial ‘behind the scenes’ insight so that you know and understand what is really happening in Intensive Care
- How you need to manage doctors and nurses in Intensive Care(it’s not what you think)
Thank you for tuning into this week’s “BLOG” and I’ll see you again in another update next week!
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This is Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM and I’ll see you again next week with another update!