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Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM, where we instantly improve the lives for Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can make informed decisions, have peace of mind, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!
In the last BLOG I talked about PART 2 of
The 9 myths of being a critically ill Patient in Intensive Care revealed! (PART 2)
You can check out last week’s BLOG by clicking on the link here.
In this week’s blog I want to share with you
The 7 things families do who make informed decisions have PEACE OF MIND, are in control, have power and have influence, whilst their loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care (PART 1)
Ok, welcome to another blog here at INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM. And once again, congratulations on taking action in getting informed and taking control!
Just by doing that you stand out from the rest of Families in Intensive Care and it will give you an edge when dealing with the challenges, difficulties and complexities in Intensive Care. Our blog as well as our “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” series will help you find your voice, will help you making informed decisions, get peace of mind, take control, have power and influence decision making in the jungle of complexities surrounding Intensive Care and it will more importantly help you to be in control, feel powerful and influence decision making.
In this blog you’ll discover the 7 things that separate Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who make informed decisions, have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in the decision making process, from Families who feel helpless, who feel like they have no control and who feel like they are unable to influence decision making.
As I have said many times before, 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care make no informed decisions, they have no peace of mind, no control, no power and no influence whatsoever!
You and your Family can influence and control a lot more than you think you can and you can be powerful if you chose to be!
As I have said in some of my other blogs, Ebooks and Vidoes before, a large amount of the outcome for your critically ill loved one in Intensive Care is influenced and determined by your and by your Families behaviour, attitude and your thinking.
You often do that consciously or unconsciously. You therefore also influence and determine the outcome for your critically ill loved one to either the positive or to the negative.
One feature that certainly stands out for me when dealing with Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, is the difference that I see in Family dynamics during the times when their loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care.
It’s bad news if your Family dynamics are taking over
On the one hand there are the Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who are not cohesive, who don’t stick together and who may even have different interests and conflicts when dealing with the critical illness of their loved one in Intensive Care. Those Families usually suffer terribly and they usually have very little capacity to make informed decisions, peace of mind, control, power and influence, because they can’t resist in having their Family dynamics and their Family issues dictate their positioning, which is usually poor positioning. They are usually unclear of what they think is in the best interest for their critically ill loved one.
If you and your family are unclear what your critically ill loved one would want, I have bad news for you! The Intensive Care team will make those decisions for you and those decisions are usually driven by the Intensive Care team’s “hidden agenda” which is driven by the politics, the financial budget of the Intensive Care Unit and the bed management policies in Intensive Care!
Related:
Families who have control, power and influence put their Family issues and Family dynamics aside
On the other hand, there are the Families who feel and know that they have a lot of control, a lot of power and a lot of influence in the situation, where their loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care. Those families have decided consciously or unconsciously to act accordingly and they won’t take “no” for an answer!
Those Families are usually in a position where they are able to put their Family issues and their Family dynamics aside and speak with one voice and don’t let their Family issues or their Family dynamics ruin their strong positioning and their strong advocacy for their loved one who’s critically ill in Intensive Care!
As a side note, usually every Family that I dealt with in Intensive Care has Family issues and Family dynamics. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s natural and it’s human nature. I am certainly not suggesting that you need to change your Family dynamics during this crisis. That would be too much to ask and almost impossible to achieve. But you need to put them aside during this difficult and challenging period.
It’s all about your positioning and not your background!
It also doesn’t matter whether those Families are rich or poor, whether they are working class or academics. Your background has nothing to do with your level of making informed decisions, get peace of mind, control, power and influence. Your and your Family’s level of control, power and influence is purely dependent on how well and how effective you can deal with your Family dynamics and Family issues during times of crisis and whether you can put those issues aside and act in the best interest for your critically ill loved one. If you can do that, you are usually in a strong position and you can prepare yourself well mentally for what is about to come.
To give you a quick example, one of my very best clients that I worked with was a family who had very little financial means. They had their 62 year old husband, father and grandfather in Intensive Care with a sever critical illness after perforated bowels caused severe sepsis.
The family was struggling financially but they were determined that they would not let their loved one die in Intensive Care, which is pretty much what the Intensive Care team had in mind.
The family hired me as a consultant and advocate and the whole extended family saw value in my services and was putting money towards it.
Low and behold after nearly two months of working with the family and advocating with them and on their behalf, their loved one came out of Intensive Care alive against all odds.
The Intensive Care team was determined to “withdraw treatment” and to “withdraw life support” on my client’s family member and we clearly positioned against this and obviously as of today the client’s family member is still alive and survived their stay in Intensive Care!
Related:
It was one of the most intense clients that I ever worked with in my 1:1 counselling, consulting and advocacy practice for families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care!
The stakes were extremely high, but my nearly 20 years Intensive Care nursing experience in three different countries, where I literally worked with thousands of critically ill Patients and their families and where I also worked as a Nurse Unit Manager in Intensive Care for over five years.
This experience helps me to scrape through all the BS that Intensive Care teams tell families so that they can stay in control of the message they want to send, but more importantly to control the outcome!
Controlling the message, the meaning as well as the outcome is where my strength lies and where I can help families in Intensive Care the most.
Going back to our example where I helped a family in need, it all comes down to asking the right questions and then using the answers to help position your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and their prognosis so that they can get the best possible care and treatment!
In this particular client example, we were in numerous meetings with the Intensive Care team and we were interpreting all the information we were getting and we were leveraging all the information so that I could continuously advocate for my client to get them the best possible care and treatment which ultimately helped them to survive.
So let’s get to the 7 things that those Families do who are in control of the situation, who have power and who influence decision making, even if you don’t have any specific knowledge about Intensive Care!
- Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are facing reality and accept reality as it is
I have mentioned this previously. Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who make informed decisions, who get peace of mind, are in control, who have power and who are able to influence decision making fast, irrespective of whether they know anything about Intensive Care or about medicine are facing reality as it is!
The sad truth is that if you have come to this website looking for 1:1 counselling, consulting, advice, advocacy and insights, you have probably come, because you are facing massive challenges, struggles, difficulties, frustrations and fears that you would have never expected even in your wildest dreams!
You now realize that making informed decisions, getting peace of mind, control, power and influence is difficult albeit not impossible to achieve with the right mindset and with the right insider knowledge!
Never deny the situation and the reality that you are confronted with!
Now, here is the good news. Face the reality and the situation that your critically ill loved one is in as it is. Do not deny. Never deny the situation as it is, because the truth will set you free!
I have seen many Families in nearly 20 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries, where I literally worked with thousands of critically ill Patients and their families who have denied the real situation that their critically ill loved one is in Intensive Care. Those Families usually struggle and suffer the most. The sooner you and your Family come clear with what you are dealing with the better it is and the easier it gets.
Now, you might say, “Patrik, you don’t know what I am dealing with, because my critically ill loved one is going to die” or you might say, “Patrik, my critically ill loved one is facing a permanent disability or a negative impact on their future Quality of Life…” and the list could probably go on and is almost endless.
You are right. Every situation is different and every situation has its unique challenges!
Nevertheless there is probably no situation that I haven’t encountered in Intensive Care and therefore my guidance will be crucial and invaluable for you and your family!
I can very much empathise with you if your critically ill loved one is approaching his or her end of life in Intensive Care and as you know, I have been dealing with hundreds if not thousands end of life situations in Intensive Care over the many years working in the environment.
But let’s just take those two “worst case scenarios”, that
- your critically ill loved one is approaching their end of life in Intensive Care or
- your critically ill loved one might face a permanent disability or a future with a diminished or a limited perceived Quality of Life
Don’t underestimate the gravity of the situation, accept and also do your own research…
Those are tough realities to face and to deal with, don’t get me wrong and I do not underestimate the gravity of the situation that you, your Family and your critically ill loved one are in. But the sooner you and your Family deal with the situation as it is and the sooner you accept the reality and the implications of the situation the better it is.
And once again, you might say, “Patrik, how can you say that I should accept that my loved one is dying in Intensive Care? How can you say that I should accept that my loved one is going to be permanently disabled or will have a limited Quality of Life in the future?”
I say that because, if for example your critically ill loved one in Intensive Care is approaching their end of life and if you don’t accept it, other people will be in control, because you are still dealing with acceptance issues, rather than dealing with the end of life situation effectively.
By the same token, before you accept that your critically ill loved one is really approaching their end of life in Intensive Care you should 100% make sure that your critically ill loved one is in a “real” and not in a “perceived” end of life situation!
What do I mean by that? Here is a link to an article/video that explains the difference between “real” and “perceived” end of life situations and understanding the difference is vital and could literally be a “life or death” decision!
Related article/video:
The vast majority of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are in “perceived” and not in “real” end of life situations in Intensive Care!
That’s why it’s so important to understand the difference!
- Once you have accepted a situation, that’s when you can start influencing and controlling a situation and have real power
Once you have accepted and determined that your critically ill loved one in Intensive Care is either going to survive or is not going to survive, you can look at either the end of life situation or the recovery/survival differently and you can think about the situation in terms of
- What needs to happen next to help my critically ill loved one getting out of Intensive Care alive?
- What care and treatment do they need to have?
- What information am I missing?
- How do I and my family need to manage the Intensive Care team so we can make informed decisions, get peace of mind, control, power and influence quickly? (a question that unfortunately 99.9% of families in Intensive Care never ask but is absolutely crucial in order to make informed decisions, get peace of mind, control, power and influence!)
- What external help, counselling, consulting, advocacy and advice do you need?
- What would my critically ill loved one want if they could make the decision themselves?
- Who should be there in Intensive Care with your critically ill loved one? I.e. the presence of crucial family members and/or friends, including considering you need to keep some people away as well
- How would my critically ill loved one want to approach his or her end of life if they are in a “real” end of life situation?
- Who should be there when your loved one is approaching their end of life?
- Who should not be there?
- Can the end of life situation be timed and if so can we as a Family make the decision about the timing?
- If we do run out of time and the end of life situation can not be timed what are other things that need to occur before my critically ill loved one is going to die? Does my critically ill loved one want a priest, pastoral care etc…
- What are my critically ill loved ones and my Family’s cultural, religious, spiritual and personal needs in such a difficult situation?
- Also, the considerations of genuine alternatives to a long-term stay in Intensive Care like INTENSIVE CARE AT HOME especially for long-term life support (I.e. tracheostomy ventilation) and/or palliative care/end of life care
The list could go on and is not exhaustive by any means and the point that I want to make is that once you have accepted the reality of the situation, you can deal more effectively with the practicalities of the issues at hand and you can take measured steps to achieve your goals.
This is another big mistake and missing ingredient for families in intensive care that they don’t have goals for their loved ones, because they think that goals are entirely out of their hands.
Nothing could be further from the truth if you have the right advice, guidance, counselling and consulting at your disposal like you have here at INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM
Recommended:
Do not underestimate how important your and your Families input is in either the recovery and survival for your critically ill loved one as well as in an end of life situation. If you don’t guide the Intensive Care team around your wishes around the recovery and survival for your critically ill loved one as well as in an end of life situation, the Intensive Care team will do it for you and you don’t want that!
The situation that you, your Family and your critically ill loved one are in is unique and you want and need peace of mind
Keep in mind, having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care is unique and you don’t want to leave the Intensive Care Unit with your loved one thinking that the situation could have been handled better.
And this applies to both, if your loved one is going to recover and survive their critical illness or if they do approach their end of life.
You and your Family want to make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power and influence and you can only achieve that if you act swiftly, determined and if you know what you want!
I have seen too many poorly handled situations in Intensive Care and end of life situations in particular that left a bad taste for the Families and also for the Intensive Care staff.
Also, don’t think that just because Intensive Care Units are dealing with end of life situations on a regular basis that they “know what they are doing”. End of life situations are always challenging, even for people who have been involved in it many times.
Face reality as it is and make your views heard no matter what!
Make your views known and make your views heard, otherwise the Intensive Care team will determine the series of events during your loved ones stay in Intensive Care. There is a very good chance that during the course of your loved ones stay in Intensive Care that you and your family will not agree with what the Intensive Care team is doing with or to your critically ill loved one during your loved one’s stay in Intensive Care, especially if your loved one stays in Intensive Care for prolonged periods!
It also helps your and your Family’s future mental well being and your coping mechanisms in the long run, if you had significant input in the recovery/survival or the end of life situation for your loved one. At the end of the day, it is your loved one who is in Intensive Care and not the ‘ICU’s loved one’!
The same applies if your critically ill loved one is facing a disability or is facing a limited future Quality of life.
At first you may not believe when the Doctors and nurses in Intensive Care are telling you about your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis as well as prognosis and the potential impact on their future. But once again, the sooner you are accepting the reality and the sooner you are facing this new reality, the sooner and the more effective you can deal with this new situation and also with the new challenges. You will be in a much better position to ask the right questions, to contact the right people and to prepare yourself, your Family and your critically ill loved one for the future.
But also, make sure you verify any information the Intensive Care team is giving you and don’t get soaked in by too much negativity and by too much “doom and gloom”.
One of the biggest complaints we are getting from families in Intensive Care is that Intensive Care teams are too negative.
Related article/video
I have seen far too many “messy” situations in Intensive Care where Intensive Care teams have been negative (because that’s their default position) without families in Intensive Care being able to read the situation accurately. By that I mean, very few Intensive Care professionals have the ability to accurately predict the future, especially when it comes to life after and outside of Intensive Care!
Intensive health care professionals are the experts on what’s happening in Intensive Care, not what’s happening after and outside of Intensive Care!
Therefore, ignore the Intensive Care team’s negativity and stay positive no matter what! Staying positive will help you and your family to steer the stormy waters in Intensive Care so you don’t get side tracked or confused by negativity!
Staying positive is often half of the battle and you need to prepare yourself for getting what you want by doing some reading, studying and by getting 1:1 counselling, consulting and advocacy here at INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM
If you wait too long to seek expert and professional advice, counselling, consulting and advocacy when you’re having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care you run the risk of your loved one either dying or not getting the best care and treatment because you don’t know what you are looking for and you don’t know what questions you need to ask.
In essence, you don’t know what you don’t know!
I have seen far too many situations where Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care have been either
- in denial about either the possibility for a successful recovery/survival, where in essence families have been wrongly “buying” into the negativity of the Intensive Care team
- or about an end of life situation
- or the future of their critically ill loved one, facing a disability or a limited Quality of life, because of their critical illness.
If those situations occur and Families are in denial and are unable to face reality as it is, usually this is to the detriment of all parties involved. Situations can get very messy, with real power struggles, usually with the result that the staff in Intensive Care hold all the decision making power and whilst you and your Family are still in denial, other people are running the show and drive their ‘hidden agenda’ forward…
Recommended:
The minute you have accepted whatever situation you are dealing with, this is the minute you can
- Ask the right questions
- Give input into the situation
- Control your, your Families and your critically ill loved one’s destiny in whatever unique circumstances they are in
- Look into the future
- Make arrangements
- Take control
You are in a tough and difficult situation, I know that for a fact and I know that facing the reality that you, your Family and your critically ill loved one are facing may feel unreal. It takes courage and strength and the sooner you embrace your new reality, the more control, the more power and the more influence you have. Period!
So look out for PART 2 of “The 7 things families do who make informed decisions have PEACE OF MIND, are in control, have power and have influence, whilst their loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care (PART 2)” it’ll be there for you next week!
Your friend,
Patrik Hutzel
How can you become the best advocate for your critically ill loved one, make informed decisions, get PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence quickly, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care?
You get to that all important feeling of making informed decisions, get PEACE OF MIND, CONTROL, POWER AND INFLUENCE when you download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report NOW by entering your email below!
In Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report you’ll learn quickly how to make informed decisions, get PEACE OF MIND, real power and real control and how you can influence decision making fast, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care! Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” Report gives you in-depth insight that you must know whilst your loved one is critically ill or is even dying in Intensive Care! Sign up and download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT now by entering your email below!
In your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT you’ll learn how to speak the “secret” Intensive Care language so that the doctors and the nurses know straight away that you are an insider and that you know and understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care!
In your FREE report you’ll also discover
- How to ask the doctors and the nurses the right questions
- Discover the many competing interests in Intensive Care and how your critically ill loved one’s treatment may depend on those competing interests
- How to eliminate fear, frustration, stress, struggle and vulnerability even if your loved one is dying
- 5 mind blowing tips& strategies helping you to get on the right path to making informed decisions, get PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in your situation
- You’ll get real world examples that you can easily adapt to your and your critically ill loved one’s situation
- How to stop being intimidated by the Intensive Care team and how you will be seen as equals
- You’ll get crucial ‘behind the scenes’ insight so that you know and understand what is really happening in Intensive Care
- How you need to manage doctors and nurses in Intensive Care (it’s not what you think)
Thank you for tuning into this week’s BLOG and I’ll see you again in another update next week!
Make sure you also check out our “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” section where I answer your questions or send me an email to [email protected] with your questions!
Or you can call us! Find phone numbers on our contact tab.
Also check out our Ebook section where you get more Ebooks, Videos and Audio recordings and where you can also get 1:1 counselling with me via Skype or over the phone and via email by clicking on the email and phone counselling tabs on the top of the website!
This is Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM and I’ll see you again next week with another update.