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Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com with another quick tip for families in intensive care.
So, today’s tip is a question from Denise who says,
“Hi Patrik,
It hasn’t even been 2 weeks for my mom on the ventilator. She knows who we are and can blink and nod to questions. We are being forced to take her off the ventilator tomorrow. Even worse, being forced to put her on the DNR (do not resuscitate) list. She’s still in there. Her light is still on, not totally out. On August the 9th of this year, she suffered a massive seizure.
She put her name in there, which I will keep protected, of course.
On top of us saying we need a couple more days at least until my brother gets to Beaufort South Carolina from New York. They’re telling us we have no control over what nursing home she will be sent to even though it could be far away from us.
What can we do?”
Thank you, Denise for writing in.
Now, Denise, I am to a degree gobsmacked by your email and on the other hand, I’m not. Where I’m gobsmacked with is how you think about this situation because you can’t control what other people do, but you are 100% in control of how you react. From your email, I can see you feel very powerless here.
You are saying we are being forced to take her off the ventilator tomorrow. Well, that sounds like an execution to me. So, what do I mean by that? End-of-life care does not happen in a vacuum. What do I mean by that? If ICUs take patients off life support without patient consent or family consent, that is murder. That is murder in my books.
Every time we have challenged this, we have successfully challenged it. So, you are giving in to a perceived power and that’s what it is, it is just perceived. They just walk all over you, and you don’t even notice, and it might result in your mom’s death.
So, the first thing you need to change is your language. The first thing you need to change is how you respond to perceived power. They’re telling you, “We take her off life support tomorrow afternoon”, and you are, “I would go to the police”. I mean, you’re reaching out to Intensive Care Hotline here, we can definitely help you. You don’t need to go to the police, but that would be my first response if you hadn’t found us, that’s where I would go. I would go to the police. That is potentially murder, what’s happening here. So, that’s Number 1.
You cannot control other people, but you are 100% in control how you react and by you reacting that you’re intimidated, that is not the right response. Your response needs to be, “Well, I take matters in my own hands, and I would stop this come hail rain or shine.” That needs to be your response.
I can see you’re probably halfway there, but I can see your level of intimidation. You need to stop being intimidated. You need to approach it with, “Well, if someone is going to touch my mom, I’m going to bring them to justice, and I would stop this regardless.” That’s how you need to approach this.
But then, you are also contradicting yourself by saying, “And on top of us saying we need a couple of more days, at least until my brother gets to this place, they’re telling us we have no control over what nursing home she will be going to.” Now, on the one hand, you’re talking about potentially them taking her off life support and her dying. On the other hand, you’re talking about her going to a nursing home. Which one is it? Either of it is not a good situation, I can tell you that much.
The problem is that especially in the United States nowadays and I know you are in the United States, ICUs are no longer taking responsibility for outcomes. They just want patients out, out of sight, out of mind. There seems to be no incentives to get patients from A to B and get them to improve. There seems no longer to be any incentives, which is very sad, but we got to fight the system. We got to fight the system together because the system is broken.
So, similar to taking your mom off life support without your consent, we have always managed to put a stop to that, always, always, always, always. The same with your mom, they’re wanting to force her to go to a nursing home and we have always been able to delay or put a stop to it, always, always, always because we have proven strategies. No one can force you to do anything, not in a situation where your mom is dependent on life support in the ICU. You can’t start early enough with doing your own research and you can’t start early enough, taking responsibility for the outcomes.
So, I can confidently say here, we have saved many lives, prevented many premature and illegal removals of life support with our consulting and advocacy. You can verify that at intensivecarehotline.com on our testimonial section where we have client testimonials. We also have client interviews in our intensivecarehotline.com podcast section where we’ve interviewed clients.
I have worked in critical care and nursing for nearly 25 years in three different countries where I worked as a nurse manager for over 5 years. I’ve been consulting and advocating for families in intensive care since 2013 here at intensivecarehotline.com. Once again, I can confidently say we have saved many lives, look up our testimonial section and look up our podcast section where we’ve done client interviews. So, there’s no need to despair, Denise. It’s just a matter of being determined and putting the right things in place.
End of life does not happen in a vacuum. I cannot stress this enough. Do you really believe that ICUs can just say tomorrow at three o’clock, we take your mom off life support without your mom’s or your consent? I mean, really? Do you think it’s that easy to kill someone?
The next question that I would have for the ICU team is what’s the urgency to kill someone? Where’s the rush? Isn’t that a valid question here? Where’s the urgency in killing someone? Where’s the rush? Think about it.
Because we get so many desperate families in intensive care, asking us similar questions to the one from Denise today, that’s one of the many reasons why we created a membership for families of critically ill patients in intensive care. You could become a member if you go to intensivecarehotline.com if you click on the membership link or if you go to intensivecaresupport.org directly. In the membership, you have access to me and my team, 24 hours a day, in the membership area and via email and we answer all questions intensive care related.
In the membership, you also have exclusive access to 21 e-books and 21 videos that I have personally written and recorded, making sure you make informed decisions, you have peace of mind, control, power, influence, making sure you can influence decision making fast when your loved one is critically ill in intensive care.
I also do one-on-one consulting and advocacy over the phone, Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, whichever medium works best for you. I talk to you and your families directly. I handhold you through this once in a lifetime situation that you cannot afford getting wrong. I also talk to doctors and nurses directly in intensive care on your behalf or with you. I ask all the questions that you haven’t even considered asking but you must ask when you have a loved one, critically ill in intensive care. I also represent you in family meetings with intensive care teams.
We also do medical record reviews in real time so that you can get a second opinion in real time. We also do medical record reviews after intensive care if you have unanswered questions, if you need closure, or if you are suspecting medical negligence.
All of that, you get at intensivecarehotline.com. Call us on one of the numbers on the top of our website or send us an email to [email protected] with your questions.
If you like my videos, subscribe to my YouTube channel for regular updates for families in intensive care, click the like button, click the notification bell, comment below what you want to see next, what questions and insights you have.
I also do a weekly YouTube live where I answer your questions live on the show. You will get notification for the YouTube live if you’re a subscriber to my YouTube channel or if you are a subscriber to our email newsletter at intensivecarehotline.com.
Thank you so much for watching.
This is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com and I will talk to you in a few days.
Take care for now.
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