Feeling Forced to Make a Decision for My Loved One in Intensive Care! Help!

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com with another quick tip for families in intensive care. So, many families write us in, and they write the same frustrations over and over again. And one of the frustrations we get all the time is, that ICU is putting families under pressure to “make a decision”. Well, here’s the news. The only decision that needs to be made when someone is in intensive care is to do the best for a critically ill patient for your loved one in this ICU bed. That is the only decision that needs to be made.

Now, if ICUs put the burden of making decisions on you that could be a double edged sword, really. So, what you need to do is keep the ICU team accountable to do what’s best for your critically loved one.

Now, the unfortunate reality often is that ICU teams claim that, for example, withdrawal of treatment is “in the best interest” of a critically ill patient. And that is absolute nonsense most of the time. Unless your loved one, of course, wants to pass away or has an advanced care directive that they don’t want to be in ICU and they would rather pass away, that is probably the only exception to the rule. But in 99% of cases, that’s not the case.

So, if anything, families come to us and they tell us and they say things like, “Well, the ICU team wants to withdraw treatment because they’re saying, my family member won’t have any perceived future quality of life”. Well, that’s exactly what it is. It’s a perception, not more than that. And a perception is up to you what perception do you have about the future quality of life of your loved one. What is acceptable for you? What is acceptable for your loved one? That’s not up to ICU teams to decide.

And when it comes to issues such as, “well, you need to make a decision whether you want to do tracheostomy or whether you want to have life support withdrawn”, those decisions sometimes need to be made. But then you got to do your own research and you got to find out, well, how can a tracheostomy be avoided? And my loved one’s life can still be saved.

So, one of the questions you need to ask in those situations, for example is, is the ICU team doing everything beyond the shadow of a doubt to get your loved one off the ventilator and the breathing tube and avoid a tracheostomy? Now, if they can confidently say, yes, we’ve tried everything beyond the shadow of a doubt, then a tracheostomy is inevitable.

So, but it really comes down to you knowing what to ask, knowing what to look for, knowing your rights, and not buying into the negativity and the negative narrative of ICU saying that end of life and death is “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one. That is nonsense. And it’s always designed to save their money, to free up their in-demand ICU beds. And you got to question everything, and you got to find strategies on how to turn things around. You got to find strategies, how to advocate for your loved one. And we can help you with that here at intensivecarehotline.com.

We understand intensive care inside out. We know exactly what’s happening in those environments where you feel very much outside of your comfort zone. And all I can say is don’t waste any time. Because a lot of families come to us when it’s too late. And you don’t want to wait too long. You need to start doing your research the minute your loved one goes into intensive care.

So that’s my quick tip for today.

If you have a loved one in intensive care, go to intensivecarehotline.com. Call us on one of the numbers on the top of our website or simply send us an email to [email protected] with your questions.

Also, have a look at our membership for families in intensive care at intensivecaresupport.org. There you have access to me and my team 24-hours a day in a membership area and via email, and we answer all questions intensive care related.

If you need a medical record review, please contact us as well. We review medical records for patients in intensive care in real time. But we also review them after intensive care. If you have unanswered questions, if you need closure, or if you’re simply suspecting medical negligence. And what I forgot to mention is, if your loved one isn’t improving in intensive care for whatever reason, and you’re worried that they’re staying in ICU long-term, you can then look at intensivecareathome.com where we provide home care for long-term intensive care patients as well.

Now, subscribe to my YouTube channel for regular updates for families in intensive care. Click the like button, click the notification bell, share the video with your friends and families, and comment below what questions and insights you have. And whether you agree or disagree with me, I’ll take any opinion. And I’ll be very curious to see what you have to say.

Thanks for watching.

This is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com, and I will talk to you in a few days.

Take care for now.