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Quick Tip for Families in Intensive Care: Is Letting My Husband Die the Only Option in ICU After Cardiac Arrest?

My name is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com, where we instantly improve the lives of families of critically ill patients in intensive care, so that you can make informed decisions, have peace of mind, real power, real control, and so that you can influence decision?making fast, making sure your loved one gets the best care and treatment always, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in intensive care.

So today I have an email from one of our clients, Tony, who says:

“Hi Patrik,

My husband is in the ICU and they’re telling me the only thing left to do is to let him die. Is it true that nothing else can be done? They still refuse any TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition)?  for him. My husband had a cardiac arrest 7 days ago. He’s gotten an anoxic brain injury. He’s not waking up even though sedation and opiates have been stopped a few days ago, and he has a bowel obstruction.

Please help.”

So here is my response:

Tony, this is a situation I hear all the time. Families are told there’s nothing else we can do and that the only thing left to do is to let your loved one die. Let me be very clear that this is not true. It’s simply not true. 70% to 90% of intensive care patients survive. So that means the odds are in your husband’s favor, that’s number one.

Number 2: You have to ask yourself and you have to ask the intensive care team what’s the rush to kill your husband? Where’s the urgency to kill someone? The narrative needs to shift from “There’s nothing else we can do for your husband” to “We mobilize all resources to try and save your husband’s life.” You need to shift the narrative.

But, I’m here to help you do that because here’s what’s really happening: ICU teams often push this narrative because of bed management, financial management, financial pressures, staff, and resource management, and because they want to tell you that treatment is, “futile”, but it has little to do with what’s actually possible. It has little to do with reality, and it has little to do with your husband’s care and recovery.

Your husband has had a cardiac arrest with anoxic brain injury. Yes, it’s very serious but recovery takes weeks and months, not just 7 days. I have seen so many patients wake up after weeks or sometimes even months in a coma, when ICU already told the family there’s no hope. Instead of talking about end of life, they should be talking about how they can help your husband. You also need to ask, is this a real or a perceived end-of-life situation?

What’s the difference? Well, I’m glad you’ve asked.

A real end-of-life situation is when no treatment, no surgery, no medications, no nothing will save your husband’s life. He’s going to die, and he’s going to die if death is imminent. The perceived end-of-life situation is that there’s a perception that your husband might be dying. There’s a perception, no more than that, and there’s still time to mobilize resources, to be positive, to be optimistic, and get the things in motion that will be able to help your husband’s survival.

And the fact that he has a bowel obstruction and they’re refusing TPN, that is deeply concerning. TPN (total parenteral nutrition) also known as intravenous nutrition, is absolutely the standard of care if the bowel can’t be used. Without nutrition, your husband is at risk of infections, muscle wastage, more complications, and he’s simply at risk of dying. Refusing TPN is refusing nutrition and that nutrition is a basic human right. Keep that in mind.

So, here’s what needs to happen right now:

1. You must push for TPN.
2. Sedation and opiates can take time to wash out, so waiting longer is important. You have to ask if kidneys and liver are working. Also, you can easily have TPN because he’s got a central line. He does have a central line or a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line. I know that for a fact, because he’s a patient in ICU that was just on opiates and sedatives anyway.
3. You need a clear neurological assessment with timelines, not just vague doom-and-gloom talk.
4. Don’t let them pressure you into withdrawing life support. That’s your decision, not theirs.
5. Get expert advocacy, which is exactly what we provide here at intensivecarehotline.com.

Tony, your husband needs time, proper nutrition, and ongoing ICU treatment. After only 7 days, to say nothing else can be done is premature and, frankly, quite wrong. And it’s concerning that ICU teams have lost their way in not wanting to save lives. And you need to call them out for it.

And if you’re watching this and you have a loved one in intensive care in a similar situation, go to intensivecarehotline.com, call us on one of the numbers at the top of our website, or simply download our free in-house intensive care guide for families, so you can take back control, make informed decisions, and not get pressured by intensive care teams into giving up prematurely.

Now, finally, I also want to say, get access to the medical records so that we can help you review them and start the advocacy process. But it’s much better if you and I actually talk to the doctors and nurses directly. That is the quickest way to turn this situation around, because I know we can and we will.

I have worked in critical care nursing for 25 years in three different countries where I worked as a nurse manager for over 5 years in intensive care. I’ve been consulting and advocating for families in intensive care since 2013 here at intensivecarehotline.com. I can very confidently say that we have saved many lives with our consulting and advocacy because of our insights. You can verify that on our testimonial section at intensivecarehotline.com. You can verify it on our intensivecarehotline.com podcast section where we have done client interviews because our advice is absolutely life changing.

The biggest challenge for families in intensive care is simply that they don’t know what they don’t know. They don’t know what to look for. They don’t know what questions to ask. They don’t know their rights, and they don’t know how to manage doctors and nurses in intensive care.

That’s why we help you to improve your life instantly, making sure you make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power, and influence, making sure your loved one gets best care and treatment always. That’s why you can join a growing number of members and clients that we have helped over the years, saving their loved ones’ lives.

That’s why I do one on one consulting and advocacy over the phone, Zoom, WhatsApp, whichever medium works best for you. I talk to you and your families directly. I handhold you through this once in a lifetime situation that you simply cannot afford to get wrong. When I talk to families directly, I also talk to doctors and nurses directly, asking all the questions that you haven’t even considered asking but must be asked when you have a loved one critically ill in intensive care.

I also represent you in family meetings with intensive care teams.

We also do medical record reviews in real time so that you can get a second opinion in real time. We also do medical record reviews after intensive care if in case you have unanswered questions, if you need closure, or if you are suspecting medical negligence.

We also have a membership for families of critically ill patients in intensive care, and you can become a member if you go to intensivecarehotline.com, if you click on the membership link, or if you go to intensivecaresupport.org directly. In the membership, you have access to me and my team, 24 hours a day, in the membership area and via email, and we answer all questions intensive care related. In the membership, you also have exclusive access to 21 eBooks and 21 videos that I have personally written and recorded. All of that will help you to improve your life instantly, make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power and influence, making sure your loved one gets best care and treatment always.

All of that you get at intensivecarehotline.com. Call us on one of the numbers on the top of our website or simply send us an email to [email protected] with your questions.

If you like my videos, subscribe to my YouTube channel for regular updates for families in intensive care. Click the like button, click the notification bell, share the video with your friends and families, and comment below what you want to see next, what questions and insights you have from this video.

I also do a weekly YouTube live where I answer your questions live on the show. You will get notification for the YouTube live if you are a subscriber to my YouTube channel or my intensivecarehotline.com email newsletter at intensivecarehotline.com.

Thank you so much for watching.

This is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com and I will talk to you in a few days.

Take care for now.

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