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Today’s article is about, “Quick Tip for Families in Intensive Care: The Doctors Are Trying to Rush Us to Make a Decision on My Wife in ICU! Help!”

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Quick Tip for Families in Intensive Care: The Doctors Are Trying to Rush Us to Make a Decision on My Wife in ICU! Help!

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com with another quick tip for families in intensive care.

So today, I got an email from Tom who said, “Hi Patrik, the doctors are trying to rush us to make a decision on my wife in ICU.” Now, we’re getting comments like this every week that ICU teams are trying to push or coerce families to “make a decision”.

Well, here’s my tip. The only decision that ICUs need to make is what’s in the best interest of a patient. So, that’s the only decision that needs to be made here. 9 times out of 10, the options that are sort of laid out in front of a family are often, “Oh, in order to continue treatment, we need to do a tracheostomy or we should just stop everything and seize life support and let your loved one die”, because in the ICU team’s mind, they won’t have any “quality of life” anyway, should they survive. Well, that’s not up to ICU teams to decide, that’s up to you to decide, and the law is behind you.

But the only thing that you need to keep in mind really is what’s in the best decision of your loved one, not anyone else, not the ICU team’s interest, which is to save money, which is to eliminate bed blocks, which is to not have any long-term patients in ICU, because if your loved one might be in ICU for a long time to come, the ICU doesn’t want that.

Their worst-case scenario is to look after someone with an uncertain outcome for a long period of time, that is their worst-case scenario. That is what can often happen if patients end up with a tracheostomy because then there could be a prolonged period of weaning off the ventilator.

But there could be other issues such as they’re not even telling you about treatment options because you haven’t done your research, because you haven’t gotten a second opinion.

What we’re finding over and over again is that ICU teams are not even telling families half of what’s going on because, once again, the biggest challenge for families in intensive care is that they don’t know what they don’t know. They don’t know what to look for. They don’t know what questions to ask. They don’t know their rights and they don’t know how to manage doctors and nurses in intensive care, and that is exactly what Tom is dealing with here.

He just thinks the ICU team more or less can put a gun to his head and say, “Well, you need to make a decision that you need to make a decision now.” Well, you work at your time with your timelines, not with anybody else’s timelines.

A really big tip here also need to have an advanced care plan either for yourself or for your loved one so that it’s documented what they want if they are ever in a situation like that. So, that there’s no ambiguity.

An advanced care plan removes ambiguity. “Here is what I want in a situation like this. When I’m in intensive care, dependent on life support, I want a tracheostomy. If I can’t come off the ventilator , I want all treatment options to be available for me and so forth.” It’s quite simple.

Now, also here is another tip when it comes to decision-making in intensive care. Don’t rush decision-making. Don’t work with intensive care team timelines because the timelines are their timelines and they are driven by financial interests, they are driven by how many beds do they have, and how many staff do they have. Forget about all of that, that’s not your problem. Your problem is the well-being of your wife in this situation, Tom.

Let me ask you a question, if the intensive care team asks you to jump off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge? Well, the answer is no. So, why would you work with their timelines? You are running the show.

Get informed, get a second opinion, and then make an informed decision that is actually in the best interest of your wife and not what’s in the best interest for the intensive care team and the hospital.

Now, here’s another tip. When it comes to sort of ICU saying, “Well, in order to continue treatment, your wife needs a tracheostomy, or we need to stop treatment. We need to move her to hospice and palliative care and let her die.” The biggest question is what have they done to avoid the tracheostomy?

We’re often finding that when we come in with a second opinion that they’re not even telling you half of the story. Then we’re finding, well, this patient is actually very close to coming off the ventilator. So, why would you need a tracheostomy if you keep pushing on and trying to wean a patient off the ventilator and then avoid the tracheostomy? That is why you need a second opinion.

I’ve worked in intensive care for over 20 years in three different countries. I have also worked as a nurse unit manager in intensive care for over five years. I have been consulting and advocating for families in intensive care for the last 10 years all over the world here at intensivecarehotline.com.

Just look at our testimonial section or look at our podcast section where we have done client interviews. I can say without any exaggeration that we have saved lives and that we have altered the trajectory of treatment in ICU by giving a second opinion, by advocating, and therefore improving the outcomes for patients and for families. That’s what we do. That’s what we live and breathe.

So, families in intensive, you need to move away from, “Oh, the doctors are telling us talking about deadlines.” Forget about that. You live in your reality and other people live in their reality. You don’t need to live in their reality. It’s your choice. You are in control and don’t forget that.

It boggles my mind how families in intensive care constantly give in to the perceived pressure. It’s only perceived pressure. You take charge. You get in a position where you can make informed decisions, and have peace of mind, control, power, and influence, and everything will change for you.

But most families don’t see that they only get a glimpse of it when they read our website, and when they watch my videos. Then, they understand you are in charge, and you make the decisions and nobody else. I hope it’s the same for you here, Tom.

So, I hope that helps.

Now, we have a membership for families of critically ill patients in intensive care where we answer your questions. Now, you can get access to the membership for families of critically ill patients in intensive care if you go to intensivecarehotline.com, click on the membership link or go to intensivecaresupport.org directly.  In the membership, you have access to me and my team, 24 hours a day, in the membership area and via email and we answer all questions, intensive care related.

I also offer one-on-one consulting and advocacy for families in intensity over the phone, Skype, WhatsApp, Zoom, whichever medium works best for you. I talk to doctors and directly I ask all the questions you haven’t even considered asking but must be asked when you have a loved one in intensive care so that, once again, you make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power, and influence, and that you’re not beholden to the agenda of intensive care teams, which often is not your agenda.

You got to look at the health system as a whole and it’s pretty screwed all over the world. Not enough staff, not enough doctors, not enough nurses, and resource constraints. That’s where most of the communication is coming from when you’re talking to intensive care teams. When they’re telling you, “Oh, your loved one won’t have any “quality of life” if they survive.” Basically, what they’re saying is, “We don’t have enough staff and we don’t have enough resources to get your loved one to the other side and help them survive and then let them recover.” That’s basically what that means. You have to read between the lines all the time.

But I also talk to you and your families directly and educate you on intensive care, help you understand the landscape, help you understand what questions to ask or I can ask the questions on your behalf. It’s like piecing together a very complex puzzle when you have a loved one in intensive care. If you don’t know where to start, if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you will believe everything that they’re telling you without really getting a second opinion, which is what we are doing here.

I also represent you in family meetings with intensive care teams so that you have clinical advocacy and consulting when you’re talking to intensive care teams in family meetings. I hope you have a strategy when you’re going into family meetings with intensive care teams. 99.9% of families when they talk to intensive care teams have no strategy whatsoever, and that’s why they get walked all over. I also strategize with you whether you should even go into a family meeting with intensive care teams. Yes, and that is an option for you not to go. You just don’t know it yet.

We also offer medical record reviews in real-time so that you can get a second opinion in real-time. We also offer medical record reviews after intensive care if you have unanswered questions, if you need closure, or if you are simply suspecting medical negligence.

All of that, you get at intensivecarehotline.com. Call us on one of the numbers on the top of our website or simply send us an email to [email protected].

Now, if you like my videos, subscribe to my YouTube channel for regular updates for families in intensive care. Click the like button, click the notification bell, share the video with your friends and families, and comment below what you want to see next or what questions and insights you have.

Thanks for watching.

This is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com and I will talk to you in a few days.

Take care for now.