Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com with another quick tip for families in intensive care.

Today, I have an email from Teri who says,

“Hi Patrik,

How to forgive yourself if the hospital made the decision to remove life support from a loved one and I regret so much that they did. I wanted to get the loved one back home; felt they were improving. They are gone. How can I forgive myself when I feel they could have survived? I didn’t want life support removed. My loved one had a cardiac arrest and was slow to wake up.”

Teri, thank you so much for sharing your grief with you because I think that’s what it is. You are grieving about what happened with your family member and that’s understandable. We’ve all lost loved ones, and we are to one degree, or another still go through a grieving process.

Now, in the big scheme of things, prevention is better than cure. So, what I mean by that is, most families in intensive care do not do the research they need to do to make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power, and influence, and they are not in a position where they can do the advocacy that their loved one gets best care and treatment.

Also, most families do not understand that the hospital can’t just remove life support without consent and that’s probably why you’re writing this email. You’re realizing by watching my videos that you’ve probably gone wrong and that is one of the worst mistakes that one can make.

I always say, families in intensive care, the biggest challenge is that they don’t know what they don’t know. They don’t know what to look for. They don’t know what questions to ask. They don’t know their rights. They don’t know how to manage doctors and nurses in intensive care.

This is such a heavy price you had to pay here by not knowing your rights. But for anyone watching this, you got to approach this with common sense, always approach this with common sense. So, what does common sense mean? Common sense means that end of life does not happen in a vacuum. So, if hospitals say, “Well, tomorrow at 3:00, we’re going to withdraw life support,” that could be perceived as euthanasia, could be perceived as murder. I’m well aware that I’m using strong language here, but you have to approach it with common sense. Hospitals are very good at pretending they can do whatever they like until you challenge it. We see it all the time because the minute we challenge it, they put the brakes on, and they change their tune.

So, how can you forgive yourself? I am not a psychologist. I am here to provide education for families in intensive care. Maybe, one way to forgive yourself and help other families in similar situation, spread the word that we are here to help, that might be one way how you can ease the pain. We have saved many lives with our consulting and advocacy in exactly those situations, many lives. I can say it without any exaggeration whatsoever.

I’ve worked in critical care for nearly 25 years in three different countries and when I worked at the bedside in ICU, I looked after thousands of critically ill patients and their families. There have been some situations where I said to ICU, “You can’t just withdraw treatment yet because I’m not going to do it.” It worked and that got me off to this trajectory here where ICU doctor said, “Well, you nurses, you just withdraw treatment tomorrow at 3:00.” And I said, “Well, I’m not going to do it.” It all comes down to your own moral and ethical compass and if other nurses just choose to do it, then they probably stopped thinking for themselves. I probably couldn’t have forgiven myself if I had done it. So, you got to have your own strong moral and ethical compass to make the right decisions.

But for anyone watching this who doesn’t want to be in a situation like that, (a) do your own research, inform yourself about your rights, get professional help, that’s what we are here for at intensivecarehotline.com. Make sure you leave no stone unturned and approach it with common sense and ICU can’t just kill someone because they feel like it. Think about that, just use common sense and don’t get dissuade by all the noise and the chatter that comes from ICU who tells you, well, they can do whatever they want. Think about it, that doesn’t make sense, or does it?

I’ve worked in critical care nursing for nearly 25 years in three different countries where I worked as a nurse manager for over 5 years. I’ve been consulting and advocating for families in intensive care since 2013. Like I said, we’ve saved many lives here at intensivecarehotline.com. You can verify that by looking at our testimonial section or by going to our intensivecarehotline.com podcast on our website and you can listen to client interviews, who verify on what I’m saying is accurate.

That’s also why we created a membership for families of critically ill patients in intensive care and you can become a member by going to intensivecarehotline.com by clicking on the membership link or by going to intensivecaresupport.org directly. In the membership, you have access to me and my team, 24 hours a day, in the membership area and via email, and we answer all questions intensive care related. In the membership, you also have exclusive access to 21 eBooks and 21 videos that I have personally written and recorded. All of the information there plus the access to me and my team will help you to make informed decisions, have peace of mind, control, power, and influence, making sure your loved one gets best care and treatment so that you can influence decision making fast.

I also do one-on-one consulting and advocacy over the phone, Zoom, WhatsApp, Skype, whichever medium works best for you. I also talk to doctors and nurses directly. I represent you in family meetings and I really handhold you through this once in a lifetime situation that you can’t afford to get wrong. When I talk to doctors and nurses directly, I ask them all the questions that you haven’t even considered asking but you must ask when you have a loved one in intensive care.

We also do medical record reviews in real time so that you can get a second opinion in real time. We also do medical record reviews after intensive care if you have unanswered questions, if you need closure, or if you are suspecting medical negligence.

All of that you get at intensivecarehotline.com. Call us on one of the numbers on the top of our website or send us an email to [email protected] with your questions.

If you like my videos, subscribe to my YouTube channel for regular updates for families in intensive care. Click the like button, click the notification bell, comment below what you want to see next, what questions and insights you have, and share the video with your friends and families.

I also do a weekly YouTube live where I answer your questions live on a show and you will get notification for the YouTube live if you are a subscriber to my YouTube channel or if you are a subscriber to my email newsletter at intensivecarehotline.com.

Thank you so much for watching.

This is Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com and I will talk to you in a few days.

Take care for now.

Related Articles:

Quick Tip for Families in Intensive care: Is Ventilation Necessary After Tracheostomy? Quick Tip for Families in ICU: Should I Let Go of my Dad with Cancer on a Ventilator & Tracheostomy? Quick Tip for Families in ICU: 3 Things You Need to Pay Attention to for COVID ARDS in ICU! Quick Tip for Families in ICU: How to Get Information in ICU Fast! Quick Tip for Families in ICU: What is Considered Progress While Ventilated with a Breathing Tube?