Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we instantly improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!
This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” and in last week’s episode I answered another question from our readers and the question last week was
You can check out the answer to last week’s question by clicking on the link here.
In this week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” I want to answer another question from one of our readers and the question this week is
MY FAMILY CAN’T AGREE ON WHAT’S BEST FOR MY SISTER IN INTENSIVE CARE…HELP!
Moira, from Brisbane, Australia
My 53 year old sister has been admitted to Intensive Care in the last fortnight with a severe stroke and she hasn’t been well at all.
She went through several procedures, including ventilation, had CTs of her brain and she had lines inserted.
It looks like now she has developed Pneumonia, probably from vomiting earlier in the week. Worst of all she hasn’t been waking up appropriately for a while, despite the doctors trying to get her out of the induced coma.
Because she hasn’t been waking up, the question of who is her next of kin has been raised, as somebody needs to sign for consent for treatment and procedures as long as she is unconscious.
What makes matters worse is that my Family can’t agree on what might be in her best interest and several people want to be her Next of Kin.
My sister has been divorced and has two children from a previous marriage, who want to be her next of kin. Her current partner is living with her, but they are not married and he also claims kinship.
My sister’s children say that her partner doesn’t know her well enough to act in her best interest, whereas her partner claims that her children don’t see their mother often enough to be her next of kin.
We have spoken to the social worker in the ICU but again there was no resolve of the issue as the children and my sister’s partner could not agree and all they do is argue even in front of the social worker. I have tried to stay out of the argument and if anything, I tried to be a mediator trying to find a solution.
It has also come to the point now, where my sister’s children are avoiding her partner and vice versa. It’s a dreadful situation and it doesn’t serve my sister. Can you share any advice of what to do in such a situation as we can’t agree and the situation is likely getting worse and would definitely not be in my sister’s best interest if we can’t agree?
Great question! The situation you have described is quite a common one in Intensive Care that can create massive issues if not resolved quickly. You have clearly identified that the inability to agree on your sister’s next of kin is causing her harm and is not in her best interest.
It also sounds like your sister’s partner and her children can’t agree on the right course of action and they can’t agree on what might be in your sister’s best interest.
You have also realised that this situation can’t go on and it needs resolve quickly. First of all, realise that if your Family doesn’t come to a conclusion about kinship for your sister, that other people are running the show, meaning the Intensive Care team will make decisions regarding your sister’s treatment with little or no input from your Family.
That in and of itself should be enough motivation for your sister’s children and her partner to come together and find a solution to the problem. Also, something that I have seen over the many years in Intensive Care is that Families who are clear in what they want for their critically ill loved one have a much higher degree of control, power and influence during the time their loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care. Those families usually also agree to have one spokesperson during the time of their loved one’s stay in Intensive Care.
- THE 5 THINGS FAMILIES DO WHO HAVE PEACE OF MIND, ARE IN CONTROL, FEEL POWERFUL AND INFLUENCE DECISION MAKING FAST, WHILST YOUR LOVED ONE IS CRITICALLY ILL IN INTENSIVE CARE!
On the other hand, Families who don’t agree on a spokesperson or a next of kin during this time of crisis, will have a difficult time to manage not only the family dynamics, but also to manage the dynamics in Intensive Care and their level of control, power, bargaining power and their level of influence diminishes in spades. Furthermore, the situation of having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care is challenging and frustrating altogether and having to deal with difficult family dynamics only adds up to your and your Families frustrating situation.
Worst of all it doesn’t serve your sister, who can feel all of those negative vibes around her. Some action steps for you to consider are • Get your Family together and stress the point that you need to find resolve quickly and that it’s not about the partner’s or the children’s egos and about their mother’s/partner’s best interest
• Having difficult family dynamics is nothing to be ashamed of, many families have it and you need to put them aside during this difficult period in your sister’s best interest
- FOLLOW THIS PROVEN 5 STEP SYSTEM AND YOU CAN LET GO, ELIMINATE& MANAGE YOUR& YOUR FAMILY’S FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS, STRUGGLES AND ANXIETY FAST
• Stress the fact that you think that not coming to an agreement will only leave your sister even more vulnerable and your Family will have little or no influence in decision making
• It also leaves you and your Family vulnerable in an already difficult situation as you are not united in this difficult situation
• Talk through the best and the worst case scenario and find out what all parties involved think would be the best course of action(s)
• Make clear to your nieces/nephews and to your sister’s partner that you can only have control, power and influence in this challenging situation if you put your family dynamics and family issues aside
• It also sounds to me that some Family members might have difficulties facing the reality and the ordeal your sister is going through and they are putting up ‘barriers’ by focusing on other issues
• Once they have accepted the reality they are dealing with, it would be easier on agreeing on the right course of action
How can you get PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence quickly, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care?
You get to that all important feeling of PEACE OF MIND, CONTROL, POWER AND INFLUENCE when you download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report NOW by entering your email below!
In Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report you’ll learn quickly how to get PEACE OF MIND, real power and real control and how you can influence decision making fast, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care! Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” Report gives you in-depth insight that you must know whilst your loved one is critically ill or is even dying in Intensive Care! Sign up and download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT now by entering your email below!
In your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT you’ll learn how to speak the “secret” Intensive Care language so that the doctors and the nurses know straight away that you are an insider and that you know and understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care!
In your FREE report you’ll also discover
- How to ask the doctors and the nurses the right questions
- Discover the many competing interests in Intensive Care and how your critically ill loved one’s treatment may depend on those competing interests
- How to eliminate fear, frustration, stress, struggle and vulnerability even if your loved one is dying
- 5 mind blowing tips& strategies helping you to get on the right path to PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in your situation
- You’ll get real world examples that you can easily adapt to your and your critically ill loved one’s situation
- How to stop being intimidated by the Intensive Care team and how you will be seen as equals
- You’ll get crucial ‘behind the scenes’ insight so that you know and understand what is really happening in Intensive Care
- How you need to manage doctors and nurses in Intensive Care(it’s not what you think)
Thank you for tuning into this week’s “BLOG” and I’ll see you again in another update next week!
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This is Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM and I’ll see you again next week with another update!