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Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we instantly improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!
This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” and in last week’s episode I answered one of our reader’s question, whose 25 year old wife has been in Intensive Care for more than a month and the Intensive Care team wanted to stop treatment and take her off the ventilator. You can read this question here.
This week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” is the first part of
“How can I be prepared, be mentally strong and be well positioned for a Family meeting with the Intensive Care team?”
In this week I want to explain why it comes to Family meetings in the first place and why they are generally being held. In the second part I explain how you can be prepared, mentally strong and well positioned, so that you have control, power and influence in those meetings!
This is an extremely important episode, because if I have found one thing over the many years working in Intensive Care, it’s that Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are totally unprepared when it comes to Family meetings with the Intensive Care team.
Ok, here you are. Your loved one has been admitted to Intensive Care for critical illness.
Why are Family meetings necessary?
The Intensive Care team has given you a quick heads up and informed you briefly about your critically ill loved one’s condition, however you and your Family haven’t quite worked out how serious the condition of your critically ill loved one really is.
You know that the Intensive Care team is busy in trying to save your critically ill loved one’s life and that’s all you can sort of gauge at the moment, with a lot of activity going on in your critically ill loved one’s bedspace.
As a rule of thumb please keep in mind, that as long as the Intensive Care team is giving you regular updates at the bedside of your critically ill loved one and they keep doing that regularly and you feel like things are going well, they probably are.
Things are probably going well. You should also be able to gauge from people’s body language and other subtle cues on how things are tracking.
Again, as a rule of thumb, if the Intensive Care team is calling you for a “Family meeting” and they want you to “formally” discuss things away from your critically ill loved one’s bedspace, it’s extremely important that you have an idea of not only what to expect, more importantly you and your Family need to be prepared, mentally strong and well positioned, before going into the Family meeting with the Intensive Care team.
Generally speaking, Family meetings in Intensive Care tend to have very specific dynamics and if you are unaware of those dynamics- and most Families of critically ill Patients are unaware of those dynamics- you will have no control, no power and no influence, because the Intensive Care team has positioned themselves before they are going into the Family meeting.
The Intensive Care team generally knows what to say and how to say it and they generally also know how “normal” or “conventional” Families of critically ill Patients respond.
And here I refer to Families of critically ill Patients who have no control, no power and no influence, because they don’t believe that they can have control, power and influence and they also haven’t done their own research.
On top of that, there is the situation that you are totally out of your comfort zone, you are stressed, you feel extremely vulnerable, you haven’t slept or eaten properly, you are scared and you are just overwhelmed by everything that’s been happening.
99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are totally unprepared when dealing with the Intensive Care team
This is generally not a good position to be in. The fears, the frustrations, the overwhelm, the struggle, the stress and the fact that you know little or certainly not enough to go into a Family meeting with the Intensive Care team is not a good starting point.
And the Intensive Care team knows that. They know that 99% of Families come unprepared and have no clue of what to expect. Therefore, it’s easy for the Intensive Care team to drive their agenda.
Again, if it has come to the point where the Intensive Care team wants to have a Family meeting about your critically ill loved one’s situation, it’s generally not good news, because good news can be communicated straight away at the bedside.
Family meetings set perceived dynamics in motion that you need to be aware of and that you need to counteract
A Family meeting is more of a “Formality” and it sets a different tone from the start. It also sets some perceived dynamics in motion from the start and the perception often is that the Intensive Care team holds all the power.
And that perception often goes both ways. Families of critically ill Patients consciously or unconsciously think that they have no or very little control, power and influence and the Intensive Care team more consciously than subconsciously thinks that they hold all the power, control and influence.
That is the case and holds true in 99% of all cases.
Unless you belong to the 1% of Families who actually do their own research, who learn about the politics, the intrigue and the psychology at play in a busy, stressful and volatile environment that is Intensive Care.
Your biggest challenge in a Family meeting is to be prepared, to be mentally strong and to be well positioned, when it comes to Family meetings in Intensive Care. Because the reality is if you’re not, the Intensive Care team will get away with their agenda and they may walk all over you and your critically ill loved one, with so many other competing interests going on in Intensive Care.
You might say, “Patrik, how can I be prepared in such a situation? I have no idea what’s going on and surely the Intensive Care team is here to help us and do the best they can.”
Family meetings are often hidden “sales” meetings for bad news…
Well, let me tell you this. When it comes to Family meetings in Intensive Care, your critically ill loved one is in difficulties. Generally Family meetings in Intensive Care serve two purposes
1) To give you bad news
2) To tell you that “the Intensive Care team is doing their best” however, despite “doing their best”, it’s still not enough and the outcome for your critically ill loved one maybe a negative one
To put it differently, Family meetings are often hidden “sales” meetings between the Intensive Care team and you and your Family so that you accept the Intensive Care team’s positioning and agenda.
In more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing experience in three different countries, I have however learned that the Intensive Care team’s positioning and agenda is heavily influenced by the moving parts, by the politics, by the intrigue and by the Psychology at play in an Intensive Care Unit. If you don’t know and more importantly, if you don’t learn about the moving parts, the politics, the intrigue and the Psychology in Intensive Care, you’ll wind up having no power, no control and no influence, which can be detrimental to your critically ill loved one’s situation.
There are a couple of scenarios that are generally discussed during a Family meeting in Intensive Care
1) Your loved one is very unstable and very critically ill and therefore the Intensive Care team thinks that further treatment might be “futile”. Therefore the Intensive Care team thinks that it’s “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one to “withdraw treatment” and let nature take its course and let your critically ill loved one die.
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In this example, the Intensive Care team may not be interested in investing more time, energy and resources to get your critically ill loved one on their way to recovery and they’re not even prepared to do so.
In this example you may not be told the whole truth and you and your Family are kept in the dark about other treatment options such as a long-term stay in Intensive Care, that might inevitably take a long time and might take up time, energy and resources, but might also save your critically ill loved one’s life.
In essence the Intensive Care team is keeping you in the dark about treatment options and they position your critically ill loved one’s treatment as “Futile” and as “not in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one.
Your critically ill loved one may be dependent on life support and the Intensive Care team suggests that by taking away the life support such as ventilation, ECMO, Balloon pump etc… that nature will take its course and your critically ill loved one will die.
What they haven’t told you is that by continuing treatment, your critically ill loved one may survive and may recover, however the Intensive Care team has no interest in doing so for a number of reasons that I will explain later.
2) Your loved is in a very critical condition and again, the Intensive Care team may tell you that your critically ill loved one is about to approach their end of life and die. And if the clinical facts are real and the evidence is clear, that could well be the case.
But again, the Intensive Care team may be very blunt and may suggest that if you and your Family are prepared that they can stop life support in the next few hours and let your loved one die. For many Families this may come as a surprise and because generally speaking they are so overwhelmed, stressed and paralysed by fear that they almost agree to anything the Intensive Care team suggests.
There are many situations however where you and your Family need more time before you will let your loved one go. Maybe you are waiting for an important Family member to come in from overseas or from interstate, before you let your loved one die.
Maybe you want to have certain spiritual, cultural and/or religious needs met before your loved one may pass away. Whatever is important for you, for your Family and for your critically ill loved one, you should be telling the Intensive Care team and you should be persistent and determined to have those wishes fulfilled.
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Often, the Intensive Care team doesn’t know what’s best for your critically ill loved one
You see, I have seen so many Families in Intensive Care being so overwhelmed by the experience that they take for face value whatever the Intensive Care team suggests to them. Families of critically ill Patients often think that the Intensive Care team must know what’s best for my critically ill loved, whereas in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
Those Families also wind up realising down the line, that they would have wanted more time with their loved one before saying good bye. You see, end of life situations, are “once in a lifetime” situations and you need to make sure that you have peace of mind, irrespective of what the Intensive Care team is telling you, because the Intensive Care team has an agenda and they tend to drive that agenda relentlessly.
In next week’s “your questions answered” episode, I will continue with part two of “How can I be prepared, be mentally strong and be well positioned for a Family meeting with the Intensive Care team?(Part2)”
Today, I’ve given you some reasons why Family meetings in Intensive Care are held and next week I will dive into the strategies of how you can be prepared, be mentally strong and be well positioned when it comes to Family meetings in Intensive Care with the Intensive Care team. Next week you will walk away with some solid strategies that help you to be prepared, be mentally strong and be well positioned for a Family meeting with the Intensive Care team!
How can you leverage your level of power, influence and control whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care?
You’ll get to that all important feeling of power, control and influence when you download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report NOW by entering your email below! In Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report you’ll learn quickly how to get real power and real control and how you can influence decision making fast, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care! Our FREE reports help you with in-depth insight that you must know whilst your loved one is critically ill or is dying in Intensive Care! Sign up for your FREE membership and download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT now!
In your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT you’ll learn how to speak the “secret” Intensive Care language so that the doctors and the nurses know straight away that you are an insider and that you know and understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care!
In your FREE report you’ll also discover
- How to ask the doctors and the nurses the right questions
- Discover the many competing interests in Intensive Care and how your critically ill loved one’s treatment may depend on those competing interests
- How to eliminate fear, frustration, stress, struggle and vulnerability even if your loved one is dying
- 5 “killer” tips& strategies helping you to get on the right path to PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in your situation
- You’ll get real world examples that you can easily adapt to your and your critically ill loved one’s situation
- How to stop being intimidated by the Intensive Care team and how you will be seen as equals
- You’ll get crucial ‘behind the scenes’ insight so that you know and understand what is really happening in Intensive Care
- How you need to manage doctors and nurses in Intensive Care(it’s not what you think)
Thank you for tuning into this week’s episode of “your questions answered” and I’ll see you again in another update next week! Make sure you also check out our “blog” section for more tips and strategies or send me an email to [email protected] with your questions!
Also check out our Products section where you get more Ebooks, Videos and Audio recordings and where you can also get 1:1 consulting!
This is Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM and I’ll see you again next week with another update!
Sincerely, your Friend
Patrik Hutzel
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