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Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we instantly improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!
This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” and in last week’s episode I answered the first part of this question
You can read and access this first part of the question here.
In this week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” I want to go deeper and while I explained last week why Family meetings are held in the first place, this week I want to give you some solid tips and strategies how you need to prepare yourself and your Family for such meetings and I explain how you can be prepared, mentally strong and well positioned, so that you have control, power and influence in those meetings!
So, last week I showed you that Family meetings are generally held if there’s bad news. On top of delivering “bad news” there are perceived power dynamics in motion that you need to be highly aware of, because generally speaking 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care think that the Intensive Care team holds all the power. And they will hold all of the power if you let them hold all the power and if you
- Don’t ask the right questions
- If you’re not well prepared
- If you’re mentally not strong
- If you’re mentally not well positioned
So now you’re questions is, how can you be well prepared, mentally strong and mentally well positioned?
And that’s a fantastic question to ask, because 99% of Families of critically ill Patients don’t think that they can be well prepared, mentally strong and mentally well positioned when going into a Family meeting with the Intensive Care team.
Why Family meetings with the Intensive Care team can be a “FARCE”
As I have mentioned last week, Family meetings can be almost a “Farce”, as the only purpose from the Intensive Care team’s point of view is to deliver bad news and to drive their agenda.
And they often don’t get any resistance because 99% of Families of critically ill Patients don’t ask the right questions, they’re not well prepared, they’re mentally not strong and they’re mentally not well positioned.
The reason for that is generally that Families of critically ill Patients are so overwhelmed, paralysed, frustrated, out of control, powerless with no influence, they feel vulnerable and anxious and they clearly have far too much respect for the Intensive Care team and their perceived power.
The Intensive Care team’s power is only perceived and that’s where you need to hone in
And here it comes. The Intensive Care team’s power is only that. It’s only perceived. That’s it. You perceive them to be powerful and therefore it’s all in your head.
Change your perception as a starting point and stop perceiving the Intensive Care team as powerful and start thinking of yourself as powerful! Do just that as a starting point and you’ll find yourself on solid ground when going into a Family meeting!
Furthermore, whenever you and your Family are in a Family meeting you need to be highly vigilant about the positioning of the Intensive Care team and you need to be extremely vigilant about what they say, what they don’t say, how they say it and the meaning behind it. Your job is to read between the lines so to speak.
Whenever the Intensive Care team uses the term “In the best interest for your critically ill loved one” your alarm bells need to start ringing
As I have said before, the Intensive Care team tends to deliver bad news in Family meetings and delivering those bad news may or may not be “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one and as I have said before, it’s often based on what is happening “behind the scenes”.
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Especially if the Intensive Care team is telling you that your critically ill loved one is not going to survive their stay in Intensive Care or if they talk about “poor outcomes”, “poor prognosis” and other negative things such as “Futility of treatment”, “withdrawal of life support”, or if they are talking about “withdrawal of treatment”.
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And my favourite one is that whenever the Intensive Care team is using the terms above that it’s “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one.
Whatever the Intensive Care team frames or perceives to be “in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one is often highly questionable. Not only should anybody be very careful about judging what is “in the best interest” of anyone, because the reality is that nobody should make any judgements about anybody’s “best interest” if they don’t know them personally.
Life is far too complex and neither the Intensive Care team nor anybody else should make any judgments about “what is in the best interest” for your critically ill loved one or for anybody else.
The Intensive Care team has scripted the Family meetings well in advance…
In more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries I have seen it all. And if you and your Family are not well prepared, mentally strong and well positioned, the Intensive Care team will keep the upper hand and they will walk all over you and your critically ill loved one during those Family meetings that the Intensive Care team has scripted well in advance and well before you arrived in those meetings.
Your emotions have taken over and the Intensive Care team knows that and takes full advantage of the situation
One thing that I have found is that Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, during those Family meetings are so overwhelmed by their emotions that they can’t think clearly and the Intensive Care team knows that and they generally take full advantage of it, by pressing their agenda forward, which is based on what’s happening “behind the scenes” such as
- the politics
- the intrigue
- the psychology of an Intensive Care Unit
- and the competing interests amongst many other things
- such as how many admissions are awaiting admission to Intensive Care
- whether the Intensive Care team thinks that your critically ill loved one is a “good business case” in terms of financial viability(irrespective of whether your loved one is under a government scheme or a Private Patient)
- whether the Intensive Care team perceives your critically ill loved one to be a good research study case and the list could go on
I think now that I have shed more light on the dynamics in Intensive Care, you also understand that if you’re not well prepared, not mentally strong and not well positioned that you will stand no chance in those Family meetings!
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The interests of the Intensive Care team will dominate the agenda of the Family meeting if you’re not well prepared and if you’re not asking the right questions…
Therefore you need to have a quick and succinct education about how you can be mentally prepared, mentally strong and well positioned if you are going into a Family meeting with the Intensive Care team!
Because if you’re like most Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care and if you’re not educating yourself, you will also get the results of the majority of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, which will leave you powerless, with no control and with no influence and you, your Family and your critically ill loved one are subject to the Intensive Care team’s agenda and the Intensive Care team, especially when it comes to their positioning about your critically ill loved one’s prognosis and diagnosis, that will drive the Intensive Care team’s agenda forward, irrespective of the clinical realities and the Intensive Care team will distort the reality depending on their interests and agenda!
Listen, Family meetings are usually happening when it comes to difficult and lengthy stays in Intensive Care and/or end-of life situations, where the Intensive Care team often wants to “withdraw life support”, “withdraw treatment” and if you don’t know how to counteract their positioning you and your critically ill loved one are doomed.
The Intensive Care team is often positioning your critically ill loved one’s prognosis and diagnosis in a negative light without giving your critically ill loved one a fair chance to recover. They give you the “doom and gloom” and you have no idea what’s really happening….
How can you leverage your level of power, influence and control whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care?
You’ll get to that all important feeling of power, control and influence when you download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report NOW by entering your email below! In Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” report you’ll learn QUICKLY how to get real power and real control and how you can influence decision making fast, whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!
Your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” Report will help you with in-depth insight that you must know whilst your loved one is critically ill or is dying in Intensive Care! Sign up and download your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT now by entering your email below!
In your FREE “INSTANT IMPACT” REPORT you’ll learn how to speak the “secret” Intensive Care language so that the doctors and the nurses know straight away that you are an insider and that you know and understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care!
In your FREE report you’ll also discover
- How to ask the doctors and the nurses the right questions
- Discover the many competing interests in Intensive Care and how your critically ill loved one’s treatment may depend on those competing interests
- How to eliminate fear, frustration, stress, struggle and vulnerability even if your loved one is dying
- 5 “killer” tips& strategies helping you to get on the right path to PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in your situation
- You’ll get real world examples that you can easily adapt to your and your critically ill loved one’s situation
- How to stop being intimidated by the Intensive Care team and how you will be seen as equals
- You’ll get crucial ‘behind the scenes’ insight so that you know and understand what is really happening in Intensive Care
- How you need to manage doctors and nurses in Intensive Care(it’s not what you think)
Thank you for tuning into this week’s episode of “your questions answered” and I’ll see you again in another update next week!
Make sure you also check out our “blog” section for more tips and strategies or send me an email to [email protected] with your questions!
Also check out our Products section where you get more Ebooks, Videos and Audio recordings and where you can also get 1:1 consulting!
This is Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM and I’ll see you again next week with another update!
Sincerely, your Friend
Patrik Hutzel
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